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Feb. 28th, 2012

It's been a year since my last post. Almost to the day.

The past year I watched so much tv, made so many lattes, and sat on so many babies.

No longer living with my best friend. No longer have him as a friend. But it was for the best.

I feel like I've grown up a lot this year.

And, Im pretty much dedicating my life to Benedict Cumberbatch. Which I am totally okay with.


Compromise and Drugs


Im healthy physically. I finally got some prescriptions and have been taking them for a few weeks. I feel numb right now. It's such a welcome relief from what I was feeling earlier. Im gonna ride this wave. Because of this even keel, Anthony and I are back on speaking terms. It was touch and go for awhile, and im still pretty closed off to him, but its not awkward, so thats good.

Speaking of Awkward. Google "Awkward Advances" now. Its positively fantastic.

I have a date tonight.

Everything seems fine.

Except I need to find a new job ASAP since Borders went Chap 11 on us and I am now jobless (in a week or so)

So, if you live in Chicago, and you know of someone who is hiring, hit me up. Im emotionally stable now!!!

-- BuriedChild 
Birthday party in a few hours. Prepping for what may be the craziest lamest night ever. I. Cannot. Wait.

Feb. 4th, 2011

I am cancer free. So far in my life. Thank goodness.

I got the call from the doctor late last night, and spent the last 20 minutes of 30 Rock crying tears of joy. When I told Anthony he broke down too. And then we had a long crying talk about the past month and how shitty he's been. It didn't heal everything, but it started. I was so scared, but now I can let that go. I can also let go the hairbrained idea that Jess was somehow "cursing" me with cancer. If I got it I knew she was still upset with me, and, well.... if I didn't then I knew she had forgiven me. It doesn't make sense... but it does it a way, or at least in the way that I could deal with what was happening to me so soon after her passing.

Just letting it all go today.

My birthday party is tomorrow, while the real day is Sunday. I have something else big to celebrate now.


Jan. 31st, 2011

Had the biopsy. It went fine. Results in a few days. Now we wait.

Jeanne went with me, and Anthony too. Last night, while heading to the bathroom, I discovered a note he left with a huge stack of burned cds by my door. In the morning he cried and begged to go with me to the hospital. I allowed it. And I forgive him but we're still a bit sore.

Speaking of sore. Ouch.

Went to get breakfast after the procedure and then had to go straight to work. Theres a snow storm tonight. I should have done some grocery shopping... oh well.



Sunday Obituaries

I have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning for a needle biopsy. I know in my head that I will be fine. Or, at least I know that I am supposed to repeat the mantra of "its going to be fine" and really believe it. I can say the words to myself and to others but its hard to believe it. What can I say? Im a glass half empty kind of gal.

Anth was ignoring me, or maybe he wasn't but it made me angry. He can make me angry, so I started some shit last night. The kind of "you hit me, I'll hit you back" kind of bullshit that people, especially women, are so gosh darn good at. I told him he didn't need to worry about the "obligation of friendship" he feels for me. He told me that what I said wasn't true. I said get on with his life, and to leave me alone. I'm actually feeling better now that we aren't talking, or at least happier that the fact that we aren't talking is due to my choice, not his. Im stubborn. Pigheaded even.

I also was chatting with a few suitors online but knocked each of them out of commission by complaining about their terrible spelling and grammar. So, theres THAT. I'm really on fire this weekend, and im not even on my period!!!

And it comes down to the fact that all these stupid tests and waiting and fear MAKE ME FEEL CRAZY. And make me do crazy things. Shit isn't happening fast enough, I need to get a head start I guess. I get it at least. I understand that what I am doing isn't coming from the cool, calm and collected lady that I pride myself to be most days. But I also have the rare occasion of actually letting myself act crazy without any consequence (yet...i know... all actions have consequences. All of them).

There are a thousand things happening in my brain and heart, so I'm giving myself permission to act and react to those without (much) self doubt.  If I didn't let myself feel as crazy as I feel, I might actually break my brain. For GOOD.

And because I go from weepy mess of messiness to calm, stoic Terminator of all things and people who care for me, I present this to the fellow followers of this busted blog.


I love...something. I just don't know what.


New Years Resolution

To get back into writing up in here. I have a bit of catching up to do. It might actually do me well. And I do want good things in my life. I miss this place overly.


Sticky Post of Randomness and Welcome

Im at work and bored, so I thought I would do this post, because I've been meaning to vamp up my page and all that jazz. Look below for some links to things that may or may not be interesting or informative.

Random Meme (It's old y'all)

About MeCollapse )


My FicCollapse )

 Now theres a tiny bit about me! Now let me know a bit about you!

Play Loud


CHAD DEITY opened last night in NYC.

If you are in NYC or in a general vicinity (the East Coast in general) GO SEE THIS PLAY.

Here are some fantastic reviews from the NY Times, The NY Post and Variety.


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